Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
