Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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