Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I didn't notice because vodka
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.