Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting