Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything