Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
