There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
