I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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