if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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