Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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