I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
