he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
