And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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