I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize