God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
