every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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