I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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