I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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