Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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