i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
