I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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