How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
