He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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