i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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