Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
