My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wish there were birth control emojis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
