I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
