I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
