Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
