Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm jealous of your bromance
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
