my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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