I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
