I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
