i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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