Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Be still, my beating vagina.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
