I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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