Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
