Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
