dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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