Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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