dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
