No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
