No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
