you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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