this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
