i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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