Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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