Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
