I've blown a few things in my day
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
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The uberlube is also flammable
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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