We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
