The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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