Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
