I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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