Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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