I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
