he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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