My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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