I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
