And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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