I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she told me i tasted like america
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
