like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
