she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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