As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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