oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Success! We fucked roommates!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
