You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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