I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
