You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
