Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
