she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just blew my weed a kiss
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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