how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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