You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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