I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
