she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
