i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
