So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
