So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
