just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
