Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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