that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
