my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I want to fling myself into the sun
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
