Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
